I’m currently the Scrooge McDuck of Purell.

Might not entirely work, but puts my mind at ease.

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Also capitalism sucks.

We get it, Thomas Edison sucked.

Also, there’s scorpion people.

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He has a very soothing cadence.

Dullest man talks about the dullest things.

It’s oddly fascinating.

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Second comes right after first!

The Arizona desert still looks amazing after all this time.

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Yeah, I don’t like cherry. Don’t @ me.

The two best flavors of soda together in one can!

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Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.

Get this gremlin off this hospital ship before we explode!

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I remember when Shark Week was about education and not stunts and fearmongering,

Celebrities are obsessed with sharks, too!

They’re just like us!

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Apparently could speak a version of ASL only her trainer knew.

An ape that could kind of talk, and loved kittens.

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The coolest man ever, I hope you find what you’re looking for in Parts Unknown.

Grouchy food man traveled the world and brought people together.

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Also a pretty awful love life, don’t let the movies sugarcoat it.

A brilliant mind who could run around just about anyone.

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